Meandering and Looking for the Word of God

If I ever do write a book, I imagine it will not be the great American novel I hoped for or even a novel at all... probably more of a Blue Like Jazz type of autobiographical meandering, musings on topics far and wide that always come back to God. I don't know if I have anything inside me quite to the level of Donald Miller's reflections, but I think his format is the closest to how my heart works.

Because I am all about the meandering. I've written here before about loving to get lost and my need for meandering before. I even used that word, meander. (Revisit that post here.)

So here's my meandering for today...

I went to Parkway for Sunday school class and second service today with Rachel, ended up at lunch with my brother- and sister-in-law by accident (at least to us), then wandered around Barnes and Noble with Rachel continuing the thinking and talking, looking for books, looking for meaning, and then I went on my own to Walmart and then to every store with dollar in the name between Walmart and my house (There are three.) looking for some inexpensive paperback copies of the Bible. I ended up finding some, finally, where else but Goodwill, where, as I stood at the checkout with four copies of the Bible in my hand, I saw one of my students from Shafer and spoke to her and her grandmother. Then I left Goodwill, full of wondering, wondering if God had a reason to time our meeting there, wondering if she saw all the Bibles in my hand (None looked much like Bibles from the spines.), wondering if there was something more I should have said than what I did, wondering what, if anything, seeing this sweet girl "by chance" in the Hendersonville Goodwill has to do with my continuing questions about whether or not I should be devoting my days and energy endlessly to teaching...

I am so grateful that I do not have to go to work tomorrow because it allowed for a day of wandering and wondering, a day of lengthy conversations and soul-baring, a day of walking around with my eyes, heart, and hands open, looking for whatever God might put in my path that could point me toward His answers for all the current questions of this life. The answers are coming-- I feel them rumbling-- in friendships growing deeper, in lives overlapping a little more all the time.  About 13 months ago, I wandered through the same Barnes and Noble and left with a copy of Revise Us Again by Frank Viola, not knowing if Jason would ever even crack the cover, much less how much it would be an instrument of igniting so much change in our lives, at least in our thoughts and conversations; the actual, tangible changes to our lives are still coming, but coming, nonetheless, I'm certain, and who knows what treasures God has stored up in the books that left in my hands today or in the pages of the musty Bibles I brought home tonight. Who knows but Him the answer to this "To teach or not to teach" conundrum plaguing my mind, but I have faith tonight in those answers and rejoice in the friendships and relationships He is so faithfully building.

And, now, in search of the Word of God in a way much more complete than my search for Bibles this evening... my search for the living Word, Christ.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." 
-John 1:1

A Complement to "Anchor"

This is another NoiseTrade find, and it reminds me of the heart in "Anchor," a NoiseTrade find that is the song of my soul this year and maybe for a long, long time:

Jesus Is My Only Anchor


Home
Robbie Seay Band

Don't wanna live for the rich
Don't wanna live for me
A rich man who's come here to confess my sin

Don't wanna live for the politics
Politics of man
For the hope we seek is never found in the politicians

I wanna live for the King
I wanna live for the King 
(2x)

Don't wanna live in the past
Don't wanna live in shame
For everything I was You exchanged for grace

Don't wanna live for an ideology
Oh I want to know You not just know about a God who saves

I wanna live for the King
I wanna live for the King 
(2x)

Singing whoa
And whoa
Come and make my heart Your home
Yeah

Oh the cross echoes in my heart
The suffering of God
You have made a way for me

Oh the grace
Death has been undone
Love has overcome
My heart overflows to sing

I wanna live for the King
I wanna live for the King
(4x)

Singing whoa
and whoa
Come and make my heart Your home

More Dolly: Jesus and Gravity

Jesus and Gravity

Dolly Parton

I'm to the point where it don't add up

I can't say I've come this far

With my guitar on pure dumb luck

That's not to say, I know it all

'Cause every time I get too high up

On my horse I fall

'Cause I've got something lifting me up

Something holding me down

Something to give me wings

And keep my feet on the ground

I've got all I need, Jesus & gravity

But I'm as bad as anyone

Takin' all these blessings in my life

For granted one by one

When I start to think and it's all me

Well, something comes along

And knocks me right back on my knees and

I've got something lifting me up

Something holding me down

Something to give me wings

And keep my feet on the ground

I've got all I need, Jesus & gravity

He's my friend, He's my light

He's my wings, He's my flight

I've got something lifting me up

Something holding me down

Something to give me wings

And keep my feet on the ground

I've got all I'm gonna need

I've got Jesus, I got Jesus

I've got something lifting me up

Something holding me down

Something to give me wings

And keep my feet on the ground

I've got all I'll ever need

'Cause I've got Jesus & gravity

I've got something lifting me up

Something holding me down

Something to give me wings

And keep my feet on the ground

I've got all I need

'Cause I've got Jesus & gravity

Jesus, I got Jesus, I've got Jesus

He's my only friend

He lifts me up, He give me wings

He gives me hope

And He gives me strength

And that's all I'll ever need

As long as He keeps lifting me

He is my light, He is my guide

He is my wings, He is my flight

Lift me, I've got Jesus

I've got Jesus and that's all I need

Read more: DOLLY PARTON - JESUS & GRAVITY LYRICS 

http://www.metrolyrics.com/jesus-gravity-lyrics-dolly-parton.html

2013 Book 1 (I'm getting a head start.)

Dream More by Dolly Parton

I think Dolly just wrote my New Year's Resolution:

I've thought about this a lot, and I think that having lots of energy is mostly about having happiness in your life. And to me, happiness is your commitment to appreciating all that is good in life, big and small. It's pretty easy to be happy when everything's going great. But life's not like that. It's like one of my favorite old sayings goes, 'If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.'

To Me, If You're a Happy Person, You: 

• Love what you do. 

•  Like yourself.

• Enjoy other people: their company, their ideas, their personalities.

• Keep a good spiritual grip on things. 

•  Always pray for understanding and acceptance.

Of course, I don't know if these account for your happiness, but they certainly account for mine. And it's been my experience that happiness begets happiness. You have to work hard at being happy, just like you have to work hard at being miserable. I wake up every day expecting all to be good and right. And if it's not, I set my mind to making it so by the end of the day.

Dream More: Celebrate the Dreamer in You by the one and only Dolly Parton

She aptly begins quoting one of her recent songs after this passage, one that I have a quotation from painted on a canvas in my classroom, one that I need to live each day. Once just someone I loved because my Mamaw did, once just someone I thought of when I thought of a popular East Tennessee theme park, Dolly has become and will always be one of the smartest philosophers I ever care to follow.

Just watch and listen and see why:

Variation on Hillsong Forever Reign

You are good. There is nothing good in me.
You are love on display for all to see.
You are light when the darkness closes in.
You are hope. You are hope.
You have covered all my sin.

You are peace when my fear is crippling.
You are peace when my pride is crippling.
You are peace when my doubt is crippling.
You are peace when my stress is crippling.
You are peace when I am crippling myself.

You are true even in my wandering.
You are joy. You're the reason that I sing
You are life. You are life.
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms.
I’m running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace.
Light of the World, forever reign.

You are more than my words will ever say.
"You are Lord, You are Lord," all creation will proclaim.
You are here. In Your presence I'm made whole.
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms.
I’m running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace.
Light of the World, forever reign.

My heart will sing 
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus.

Oh, I’m running to Your arms.
I’m running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace.
Light of the World, forever reign.

"Keeper of the Way" by Ross King
Get it on NoiseTrade.

I'm gonna take some time today
To read a book I don't agree with
Find out what it has to say
And I'm gonna turn off my TV
Maybe sit there in the silence
Wonder what my life would be without the noise
Then I'm gonna find some work to do
Maybe trim my trees and hedges
Maybe trim my neighbor's too
Cause I believe it's good to labor with my hands
It's therapeutic to my soul in ways that I don't understand
But that's ok
It's all part of my plan to somehow be "all things to all men"
Though I'm a stranger in this land
I am just another keeper of the Way
And I will guard what I've been given by the Spirit for That Day
I am keeping it with every breath I take
Every part of me is rapidly slipping away
So I'm gonna speak a little less
And I will try to listen more and to assume the very best
Because I know that I don't know that much at all
So I will step a little softer, Who knows?
Maybe I won't fall so hard today
It's all part of my dream to be a whole lot more like Jesus
He was a lot more than what He seemed
I am just another keeper of the Way...
Every part of me is rapidly slipping away
Every part of You has broken thru and filled the space
I'm bringing life back into religion
I'm giving simple things the passion they deserve
I am a living, breathing agent of redemption,
Giving hope and love
A citizen of Heaven, here on earth
So I'm gonna tip my waiter 25 percent
I know a worker's worth his wages, 
So that money is well spent
And I'm gonna tell somebody all about the way
That Jesus saved me, and just maybe they'll believe in Him today
But either way
I've got to do what I can to somehow be "all things to all men"
Though I'm a stranger in this land
I am just another keeper of the Way...
Every part of You has broken thru and filled the space
There is no secular of sacred they are all the same
Every moment, every action is in Jesus' name

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

--Colossians 3:23-24

Emphasis

With its quiet, meandering melodies and lyrics that send me off into depths of pondering that take my mind away from me, Sleeping at Last isn't really good music for listening to on long interstate drives. Just the same, I found myself craving it and listened to Sleeping at Last during my four-hour jaunt from Parrottsville to Nashville yesterday.

I've shared Sleeping at Last's song "Emphasis" on the blog before, but I'm going to revisit some of the lines now.

First life and death--

Life is a branch and it is a dove, handcrafted by confusing love. Sign language is our reply when church bells make no sound.

Death is a cold, blind-folded kiss. It is the finger pressed upon our lips. It puts an unwanted emphasis on how we should have lived.

The song "Emphasis" starts with a metaphor of a bee, working to make honey, meeting death when it stings to protect the hive. Was life worth nothing more than honey for the queen? the song asks. Was it all just a grain of sand in an hourglass?

Those questions are simultaneously my reason for living with such urgency for accomplishments (duty to the queens of my life, need for speed since the hourglass is always running out) and my reason for questioning if I'm living life right because... what if it turns out to be all for nought? There's always the question of death and what will be accomplished before it gets here and whether anything really follows. Will anything really have mattered? Will I get to the end and find I wasted my time buzzing around the wrong hives?

I just don't really understand it all. I don't really have the full picture. I love the enigmatic line, "Life is a branch and it is a dove, handcrafted by confusing love." Branches and doves represent peace in our culture and have since the dove brought back a branch to Noah, signifying the receding of the destructive waters and the coming of safety on land and a promise from God stretched across the sky. Life, then, is peace, a peace that we can only have at the hand of Love, a love that we cannot even understand. I've never heard anyone in church or a worship song call God's love confusing, but isn't it? In a beautiful, mind-blowing, I-can't-wrap-my-mind-around it kind of way. Think of the Bible's images of love-- Abraham who would murder his own God-given miracle son for the love of God, a God who would not allow the death to occur, Hosea who takes a prostitute as his wife and redeems her to him even when she strays again and again, a God who sends His own son, His own self to the world to die to redeem a fallen bride of people who wouldn't even recognize the bridegroom. God is confusing, and, at best, sign language is all we can muster. I picture us waving frantically up to our God, to love, trying to respond appropriately, but we can't. It is too much for us even to respond intelligibly. 

Then, light and wholeness--

The smartest thing I've ever learned is that I don't have all the answers, just a little light to call my own. Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows, a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.

Life is a gorgeous, broken gift, six billion pieces, waiting to be fixed, love letters that were never signed, sent to where we live. The sweetest thing I've ever heard is that I don't have to have the answers, just a little light to call my own. Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows, a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.

A week ago in Sunday school, we were talking about 1 Peter 3:15 "but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence."

I do have so much hope, so much hope in the light. So much hope in the only One who can restore wholeness in the brokenness. 

Meanwhile, what about the other six billion+ pieces? Where is the hope for them, and can they see it in me? Why don't people see it? Why is no one asking me about this life-changing hope that I have?

I don't know the answer to that startling, sobering question. Somehow, though, I feel like reading books and attending classes about being a better evangelist aren't going to change the fact that people in my life neither seem to notice nor ask about the hope that I have in Christ. I know in the deepest part of me that the only answer is Christ.

"He must increase, but I must decrease."