Looking, Breathing

I've been looking in books, looking in songs, looking in friends.

All my looking, I think, has finally brought me some glimpses of my aim-- glimpses of God.

In a word, in a lyric, in a conversation and a smile, I breathe a few much-needed breaths.

But I need more than breaths.  I need an expanse of air, a lung transplant, a heart beating properly.

I need God.  I need to look for Him in Him.

Weird revelation, right?  I've been looking everywhere, and I feel like I've started to see.  So why am I scared to look for Him in Him?  What's my hang-up?

I'm so scared of over-mysticism of faith.  I feel like everything I've ever learned about reading the Bible and praying has been a little off somehow, and it's been so long since I did either regularly without doing so as a duty-driven routine.  I remember a time when both sprang from genuine delight in them both-- delight in God, and I want that back.  I want God back.  I want to find Him in Him.

Lord, teach me to pray.