Journaling/Blogging/Praying through a Playlist 4: More Ocean Metaphors

"Something Beautiful"
by Needtobreathe
In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown, will you let me drown?

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees.
I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side.

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees.
I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn't live like this.
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful.
When I wake up, I know I will have
No, I still won't have what I need.
Something Beautiful

Hey now this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
Cause I am down on my knees
I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

"What Do I Know of Holy?"

by Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, no
If You touched my face would I know You
Looked into my eyes could I behold You

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean
Are You fire, are You fury
Are You sacred, are You beautiful
What do I know, what do I know of Holy

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees
m: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/addison_road/what_do_i_knof_holy.html ]
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean
Are You fire, are You fury
Are You sacred, are You beautiful
So what do I know, what do I know of Holy

What do I know of Holy
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame
And a God who gave life it's name
What do I know of Holy
Of the One who the angels praise
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean
Are You fire, are You fury
Are You sacred, are You beautiful
What do I know, what do I know of Holy
What do I know of Holy
What do I know of Holy

Journaling/Blogging/Praying through a Playlist 3: Jesus Is My Only Anchor

First things first, thanks to my BIL and SIL (brother- and sister-in-law) for the CD of music they've discovered on NoiseTrade. There are a lot of songs floating through my mind right now and lots of ideas for playlist posts, but one of the songs from their gift CD is perfect for right now. It's called "Anchor" by Ross King, and I had already decided to post the lyrics and write a little about it before it had even played through and then it used the word "exegesis" and totally became a shoe-in for adding to the blog. So, second thing second, a shout-out to my "besty" Rachel, who has to be the first friend I've ever had who uses the word "exegesis" like it's a normal word to use.

Anyway, here's the song:

It's bigger than your doctrine 

Cause there's only so much mystery

That doctrine can explain

It's bigger than tradition

Cause you'll turn around and see that

All of your traditions have been changed

Hear what I am saying

All these things are fading

It's bigger than your science

Cause your soul cannot be saved by anything

That scientists can prove

And it's bigger than compliance

Cause even compliant people

Can be lured away from what is true

Hear what I am saying

Only trust in One Thing

Jesus is my only Anchor

Jesus is the only Way

Very few things last forever

And everything else floats away

It's bigger than your politic

Cause there is no policy 

that rescues us out of the Shadow-lands

It's bigger than your rhetoric

Cause this is a living Word, you speak it

With your feet and with your hands

Hear what I am saying

All these things are fading

It's more than just your conscience

Cause your conscience may be clean, that doesn't mean

That you are innocent

It's more than circumstances

Cause when your circumstances change,

How will you keep yourself content?

Hear what I am saying

Only trust in One Thing

Jesus is my only Anchor

Jesus is the only Way

Very few things last forever

Everything else floats away

Jesus is my only Lifeline

When I'm drifting in the sea

Very few things can be trusted

Only one thing rescues me

We want it to be easy

To find the safest version of the truth

But we'll find out what we really believe

When all we have to hold is You

It's bigger than the words your preacher preaches

Cause I guarantee sometimes you will forget what you have heard

It's bigger than your Bible exegesis

Cause there are bound to be some days when you don't

Understand a word

Hear what I am saying

Only trust in One Thing

Jesus is my only Anchor

Jesus is the only Way

Very few things last forever

Everything else floats away

Jesus is my only Lifeline

When I'm drifting in the sea

Very few things can be trusted

Only one thing rescues me

The song pretty much says it all. If you read back over the posts of this blog, you can probably find at least one place where I've dealt with frustration over the imperfections and fallibilities of everything addressed in this song: doctrine, tradition, science, compliance (living it "right" by a standard and not knowing which standard is right), politics (public education!), rhetoric (worse, in my case, semantics), conscience, contentment, preaching and teaching, and struggling to understand the Scriptures.

The answer is so ridiculously simple yet so mysteriously and miraculously complex that it should be the sole topic of this blog and the only reason I live: Jesus is my only anchor.

"Everything else floats away..." How true could anything be? It reminds me of my old standby favorite, Ecclesiastes. "Everything is vanity." Just last night the end of Ecclesiastes came to mind so strongly that I looked it up and copied the final three verses onto the inside cover of my journal as a reminder, in this continuous soul-searching and book-reading frenzy of my life, what really matters.

But beyond this, my son, be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body. The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.

Does this mean I'm through with the soul-searching, the questioning, the angst, the struggles? I'm laughing at myself alone in my room even as I write that. Yeah right I can almost hear my husband saying. I think I'll always have plenty of angst to go around, but Jacob didn't become Israel until he wrestled, and I think my soul is always going to do more than its share of striving.


That being said, my third mention of family and friends goes to Meagan Anderson, whom I thank for her comment on my previous post. The sermon she suggested entitled "Certainty"  (Click here to listen.) had many great points, including one that sticks with me the most strongly: The first step in getting certainty is wanting to have it. The pastor challenged the members of the congregation first to consider whether they even wanted certainty. Certainty, after all, comes with a price. It comes with commitment. Change. Moving forward. I listened to that part of the sermon twice. He says something about not using seeking as an excuse to stay in the same place, and I do not want that to be me. I do not want my search to be an excuse or the place I stay stuck. His question was basically "Are you the kind of person who values the hunt over the finding?"And my answer is no. I don't want to keep floundering away hunting for things that are, as Ecclesiastes puts it, "futility and striving after wind."


Striving, okay. Striving after wind, no.


Psalm 46:10 the way most translations word it is alright, but Psalm 46:10 in the NSAV is so awesome.

Cease striving and know that I am God.

Cease striving. Cease striving. Cease striving. And KNOW that I am God.

Soul-searching notwithstanding, there is one thing about which I can be certain-- that God said "I Am," that He said to cease striving because He Is. I know I'm repeating my last post, but I'm fascinated right now with the fact that God Is and that He has taken away all my doubt of that fact. 

The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person.

I think it's time for a little less striving and struggling and a lot more delving deep into what it is to fear God and keep His commandments. I've made up my mind that I am certain of God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. (Or He has made up my mind.) And I hope this blog begins to reflect a little bit more of that in the midst of the questions.


Finally, last name drop(s) of the post-- Molly Hurst. Molly is one of my dearest friends, a best friend from all the way back in high school in Newport, Tennessee and easily one of the two purest, sweetest souls I know in the world (Katie Chambers Robertson being the other). Molly keeps a blog too, and hers is named "My Anchor Holds." The reference is to Hebrews 6:19-20 "This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever..." I am grateful for friends like Molly and Katie who remind me how possible it is to believe with assurance, to be anchored in Christ, unwavering in His love.


Questions, like rains and winds, may come. The tides of doctrine, tradition, and science, and even conscience may all flow contrary to the Way.


But, praise God, my anchor holds. And my anchor is Christ.

I don't want to want to be right anymore.

Everybody wants to be right. Even the people who say there is no such thing as right want to be right about that.


It's just part of us, this inescapable need, and it's to blame for so much of our bad behavior as humans. What else could cause us to be so stuck in our ways and so blind to others and their perspectives? What else could make us so argumentative and divisive? Why else would we need to be so defensive of our own positions? We're all just fighting to keep our world vision intact, to keep our way of living from crumbling. We all need so badly to be right because what if we're wrong? 


And the terrifying thing for me, in all my wanting to be right, is that I don't really know that I believe that I can be. Scratch that-- I don't think it's possible to be right. I really don't. At least, I don't think it's possible to be completely right.


Example: I love to read books, and for some reason I also like to read comments written online by people I don't know about books that I love. Sometimes before I buy a book and often after I've already read it, I read book reviews by other authors, publications, bloggers, and even random people on Amazon. In fact, probably most of the reviews I read are from random people on Amazon. And it always, always, always disappoints me, and maybe I should just never read the reviews on Amazon or even from more traceable and reliable sources, but I think one of the reasons I'm so attracted to them is my drive, my desire to be right, my need to be validated in my opinions by matching opinions of others. And it's crazy because it's never going to happen, but something in me, when I read a book that makes me go, "Oh, yes, this is it. This is exactly right." feels like, in order for that to be true, the complete rightness of it has to be apparent to everyone or it is somehow less right.


More Specific Example: Just tonight, I read a tweet about a children's Bible, was intrigued, looked it up on Amazon, read a sample of it, and was flabbergasted. It's gorgeous. It's amazing. I made Jason listen to me read everything available in the sample. I swooned. I announced I was going to order it for our kids someday. Then I announced I was going to order it for me right now! Then I noticed it was recommended highly by a Christian writer whose books have made a profound impact on me and whom I respect, a Christian writer who's fairly conservative, too, so not even one who would be suspected of recommending something "liberal" and "heretical" like most of the stuff I like to read. And I was further wooed because not only does this book that I have just sampled match everything in my heart, not only has it resonated deeply with me in a very short amount of time, but a very respectable Christian author likes it too. Validation of rightness, bingo. And then what do I do? I read a few 5 star reviews, then a 3 star. Then, like a moron, I click on the 1 star reviews and read almost all of them. Why? Why? Well, I do in a way out of curiosity, and I could do it to want to find ways to discredit them to further enhance my feeling of rightness, but mostly I think I do it because I'm scared that I'm not right. I think I want to be so certain so zealously that I am scared to be zealously certain of the wrong thing. Make sense? Part of the obsession with being right is making sure the right you're obsessed about is right. And I want to read those 1 star reviews and the negative blog posts and everything else because what if they are the ones that are right? And what if reading those would show me the error in what I previously thought was right?


And, you see, there is no end to this. There will always be 1 star reviews. There will always be people who think John Mayer is a jerk and his music sucks and that Taylor Swift is shallow and can't sing, and those opinions will always hurt me a little, even though I really shouldn't take them personally, because hearing someone else's right that's different from mine makes my right feel less right, even if it's right to me.


And I will keep on singing along with John Mayer and Taylor Swift as long as they keep making music, and those issues are just opinions anyway.


But what about being right about who God is? What about being right about what matters in life? What about being right about the purpose of even living and waking up every day?


Just deeper versions of the Taylor Swift conundrum? I don't think so. I think it matters to be right. Only I kinda don't. Well, it's both. Because here's the paradox. Here's where I am right now, and I'm happy to hear from you if you have corrections, but here's where I am:


I think the paradox is that the only right is God, and He is the only one who will ever be right about Himself, so the only thing I can ever be right about in my whole life is knowing that He is right, and even then, the right that I have will only be a regular one, not an italics one because I still won't be fully right about Him because it's too much for me.


And I think I just have to be okay with that.


I think a lot of Christians will disagree with that. I think most of what I hear from the Christian sector says that it's vital to be right about a lot of things. And that there is a definite right way to know and think and do all those things that it's important to be right about.


But, I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry, me. I just don't think so.


I don't think I'm ever gonna be right. And that doesn't mean I don't believe there is right. I just don't think I'm ever gonna be it. And it's kinda awesome to admit. Because I don't want to want to be right anymore.


I just want right.

Journaling/Blogging/Praying through a Playlist 2: Marveling in Mystery and Rejoicing in Not Knowing

"Who You Are" by Nichole Nordeman
I was certain that I knew You
At the tender age of twelve
You'd so often been described by those
Who said they knew You well
Dark and rugged in Your thirties
With a smile as bright as Your robe
Every teacher, every preacher
With the very best intent
Found new ways to hide the mystery
Replaced by common sense
And to know You was to keep You in my pocket
So easy to hold
I know I can't explain You
I would not even try to
And yet it's clear that You are here beside me
I marvel and I wonder
So near and somehow still so far
What makes You who You are?
It is easy to insist
On what is packaged and precise
And dismiss the clear suspicion
That You're bigger than we'd like
It is tempting to regard You as familiar
In so many ways
I've tried to draw these lines around You
A definition or an absolute
But I could not be satisfied with black or white
There is so much more
There is so much You
It's a mystery
It's a mystery
It's a mystery to me

"To Know You" by Nichole Nordeman

It's well past midnight

And I'm awake with questions that won't
Wait for daylight
Separating fact from my imaginary fiction
On this shelf of my conviction
I need to find a place
Where You and I come face to face

Thomas needed
Proof that You had really risen
Undefeated
When he placed his fingers
Where the nails once broke Your skin
Did his faith finally begin?
I've lied if I've denied
The common ground I've shared with him

And I, I really want to know You
I want to make each day
A different way that I can show You how
I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
I'm just tryin' to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still

Nicodemus
Could not understand how You could
Truly free us
He struggled with the image
Of a grown man born again 
We might have been good friends 
'Cause sometimes I still question, too 
How easily we come to You

But I, I really want to know You 
I want to make each day
A different way that I can show You how
I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
I'm just tryin' to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still

No more campin' on the porch of indecision
No more sleepin' under stars of apathy
And it might be easier to dream
But dreamin's not for me

I wish everyone would read Frank Viola's Revise Us Again, promoted in the video below.

The last chapter "Your Christ Is Too Small" is one of the most amazing things I've read in years. Here's one favorite part at the very end, and you can revisit my post from January Wanted: People Who Don't Think Like Me to see more: 

I will end this chapter with a question: How well can you know the Lord? You can know Him in proportion to the poverty that's within your heart. "Blessed are the poor in spirit" (Matt 5:3). The opposite of that statement is what the Laodicean church said of herself: "I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing" (Rev. 3:17 NKJV).
A sure mark of spiritual poverty is a wide heart. If you have a narrow heart, you will recognize Christ only through some of His people. And you will be blinded to find Him through others. Jesus Christ is a lot larger than what most us have thought, and He works through a lot more people than we would expect. In C.S. Lewis's Prince Caspian, Aslan tells Lucy, "Every year you grow, you will find Me bigger." This is a wonderful description of authentic spiritual growth. We know we are growing in the Lord when Jesus Christ is becoming bigger in our eyes. Is your Christ too small? May we rescript our lives in a way that opens our hearts to the fullness of Jesus. Please, Lord, revise us again.

As Nichole Nordeman sings, I cannot be satisfied with black and white, with a packaged and precise Jesus in a box, all mystery explained away for our version of comfortable common sense. I want the REAL Jesus, the true Truth, Way, and Life.  I feel a lot like Thomas and Nicodemus even trying to go down the path that leads to Him, but I know He is big enough to hold all my doubt and questions, and He keeps getting bigger!

Journaling/Blogging/Praying through a Playlist 1

Ginny Owens's album Something More starts with this minute-long prelude:

"Prelude" 

One day I decided I'd aspire to higher ambition
So I set out on a mission to change the world
Armed and dangerous with my well meant words and best intentions
I went sharing my convictions with every livin' soul
But it wasn't long 'til the lightning flashed
The storms of disenchantment crashed
And my ambitions were scattered by winds of doubt
And it wasn't long 'til I learned to see
Life wouldn't always be easy for me
So I wrote a little song to remind myself

As Christians, we feel so urgent about doing with what we've been given. The message is to GO, the message is to tell, the message is to set out to save the world. And, eyes narrowed in focus on the goal of our mission, we sometimes forget that the mission was never the goal in the first place, that the only place worth placing our eyes is Christ. We think that our eyes are on Him when we're busy spouting about Him to the world or busy doing deeds in His name, but are we missing Him for what we think we're saying or doing for Him? He said, "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.'" (Matthew 7:21-23 NASV) We always assume those passages aren't about us because we're true Christians and not who He's talking about, or we read a book like Radical and use this passage to spur us to further good works because it appears in this passage that Jesus may be saying that those who do not produce good enough fruit will not be accepted because they loved Jesus only in words and faith and not in action... but here are the thoughts in my heart...

1. "he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter"  What is the will of the Father? There are a lot of Sunday School routine answers to that, but I want to know what Jesus said about it. I mark it here as a goal of this summer (or this week!) to read the Gospels with an eye open for places where Jesus says "The will of the Father is" so that I can know what that is. I have a feeling it's going to be mind-blowing and eye-opening and probably much more than a little perplexing, mysterious, and incredible.
2.  "A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits." These are the three verses preceding the fearful information Jesus shares that not all who call His name will be known and accepted by Him. So there's something important about bearing good fruit, which brings John 15:5, "I am the vine and you are the branches" to mind. Even though it is a verse people stitch on pillows and wear on T-shirts (I once owned and wore on!), the verse has always been confusing to me. As I am reading Christ's words now, though, some things seem to start to be making sense. (Read all of John 15 and see if it doesn't simultaneously confuse you and amaze you.) In relation to Matthew 7, doesn't it seem, that if Christ is the vine and we are the branches, and if it is the vine that produces fruit, that we should quit worrying about making fruit and instead put all our attention, focus, and priority on Christ, the vine, and just be a branch? I'm picturing myself right now as a literal branch, joining a family of branches, reading books, singing songs, and going to meetings, all with the intent of becoming a better fruit-bearer, and I am thinking, "Poor branch. Don't you know that you will never make fruit on your own, no matter how much you may want it, study it, pray about it, look for opportunities to do it, and admonish your brother and sister branches to do it? You don't make fruit, branch!" Reading about and praying about and committing about living a life of more doing and more fruit producing won't produce more fruit. Won't trying harder just lead me even more down the path of the people who will be surprised that Jesus doesn't know them? Won't I, in my striving to make sure He knows me by my fruit, miss Him entirely and come up fruitless?Wouldn't it be wonderful just to be a branch and sit back from my spectacular view to see what the vine makes of me, what fruit He bears in my life, and how He prunes me to make even more? 
3. To bring it back to "Prelude," for everyone who is wondering how this all even relates, the words of "Prelude" could hardly tell my story better. Here's a glimpse of the highlights of the narrative: the thrill of discovery of a higher calling, the perception of a grand mission, the best intentions of changing the world, and then the crash, the confusion, the chaos of realizing that it's not that simple-- that the way is not always clear even if that's what they (whoever they may be) tell you that it is clear if only you'd believe, that things don't turn out great just because you intend them to, that shouting from the rooftops rarely shows anyone a true vision of Christ and that doing for Christ often just leaves you thinking it's all about you and all up to you when nothing could be further from the truth. Ginny Owens's album Something More goes on to include all the little songs she wrote to remind herself, and I've already posted the lyrics to one of them, "I Am," on this blog. One of the greatest lines from the album (and there are many!), is in this song, a line in which Ginny imagines God's voice in the stories of Moses, David, and Mary saying, "It's not your problem... You don't have to change the world, just trust in Me. I Am your Creator. I Am working out My plan, and through you, I will show them, I AM."

I AM, He says.

And HE IS.

May I be the branch, abiding in the Vine as He abides in me.

John 15: Have I been with Christ since the beginning?

1 I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken in you. 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. 5 I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. 7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. 9 Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. 11 These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father, I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. 17 This I command you, that you love one another. 18 If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love you its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, "A slave is not greater than his master." If they persecute Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know the One who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates Me hates My Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the words which no one else did, they would not have sin; but now they have both seen and hated Me and My Father as well. 25 But they have done this to fulfill the word that is written in the Law, "They hated Me without a cause." 26 When the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, that is the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify about Me, 27 and you will testify also because you have been with Me from the beginning.


Musings, Mysteries, and Words that Make Me Full of Awe in John 15


vs. 1-3
You are already clean. I am already clean. Why? What have I done to be clean? Have I repented? Have I said a prayer? Have I dropped my nets and followed? Have I been baptized? What has made me already clean? It is astounding enough to be told by Christ that I am clean and  more amazing still to know how-- "because of the word which I have spoken in you." I hardly know what that means, but I know this-- it's something that Christ did and nothing of my own. Astounding, freeing, amazing. 


vs. 4-5
 Apart from Christ I can do nothing. I cannot be reminded that enough. I should have it tattooed on my hands. 


vs. 6-7
"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." Interesting... Verses that make it sound like you can ask for things like Jesus is a genie are interesting. I don't know what they mean. What is abiding in Christ, how do His words abide in me, and what else could I have to wish for if I understood that and knew it to be true?


vs. 8-9
These verses show a lot of the interconnectedness of God the Father and Christ and then also connect to the Holy Spirit at the end. It's neat to read, trying to forget what you learned as kid in church about the Holy Trinity and being amazed by it instead of thinking it's normal because it shouldn't seem unmysterious, trying to see what Jesus Himself said about the relationship that exists between Them. 


vs. 10-13
How to abide in the love of Jesus? Keep His commandments. What are His commandments? Love. Love as He has loved, a love that lays down life for friends. 


vs. 14-15 
Friends vs. Slaves-- Jesus says He no longer calls us slaves. I wonder what that implies about a time when He did? Also, just like I don't understand the promise in verse 7 that says we can ask for whatever we wish, I also don't understand why, if Jesus has made all things known to us that His Father has made known to him, there is so much I don't understand? 


vs. 16
Again, a genie verse, but before that, more fruit, and get this-- I did not choose Him, but He chose me and appointed me to bear fruit. WOW.  I did not choose Him, but He chose me. I often feel-- and I'm not trying to get too predestination-ey here-- but I often feel that we in the contemporary church place too much emphasis on what WE do, our personal choices, our individual decisions, our asking and accepting. Perhaps it's growing up in a Christian denomination devoid of phrases like "personal decision for Christ" and "accept Jesus as Lord," but there's always been something about phrases like that that makes me feel like it's too much about me. Only by His grace-- not any fallible will, emotion, or intellect of mine-- could I even be made to accept Him. He chose me. Awesome.


vs. 17
It bears repeating: The command is to love one another.  


vs.18-25
This big chunk of text is interesting in so many ways. It's interesting as a follow-up right after the vine and branches, a commandment of love, and joy being made full. It's also interesting when I consider the idea of being persecuted for Christ. Despite what others may feel, I find it hard to consider anything that can happen to us in America as real persecution; we're in a land of too much freedom to be really inhibited or harmed. And, honestly, it seems to me that most of the hatred aimed at us in this country has a lot less to do with Jesus and not having an excuse for sin than it has to do with how obvious our sin is and how unable we are to admit and own it. Yes, I believe even in the face of perfection, people do and will hate Jesus because of resentment of the sin He reveals. There is part of me that thinks at first, "How could anyone hate a man of love like Jesus," but then a bigger part of me knows that I have felt that hate before, frustration at not being good enough and not understanding enough, anger at having to be grateful for grace when I didn't have the ability to perfect to begin with, bitterness that God would have chosen such a hateful (so it seems to a human mind) way to bring me to His love... I get why someone could hate Jesus, at least until He intervenes and replaces the hate with love instead, but, honestly-- sorry, brothers and sisters, I'm part of this too-- I don't think most people get to the point where they have to grapple with hating Jesus so they can get past that to hating their sin instead and get past that to love. I think, because of us and the way we parade our rightness in everyone's faces all the time instead of being Christ, most people go on forever very justifiably hating us and our sins and our hypocrisy and never getting to Christ. It makes me want to shout and have all Christians join me in chorus: "Yes, we are sinners! Yes, we are hypocrites! We admit it, and we're not going to try to convince you that we're not! We own it. We are hypocrites! Only Jesus isn't. Can we please talk about Him now and not about us?" Think about it really. How much do we actually point to Christ and talk about and glorify Him and how much do we justify ourselves and preach our messages and talk about the kind of life we're called to instead of talking about the One who calls us?


vs. 26
1. I need to learn more about this Helper!
2. "and you will testify also, because you have been with Me from the beginning." I have been with Christ from the beginning? Wait, back up. In the whole process of reading and writing this, I haven't even looked to see to whom Jesus was addressing this message. I've been assuming that it extends to me and to all Christians, and I think it does, but just to add some perspective, this chapter is part of a lengthy answer to this question from Judas (not Iscariot): "Lord, what then has happened that You are going to disclose Yourself to us and not to the world?"  which was an offshoot from Jesus's answer to this comment from Philip: "Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us," which was a response to the famous "I am the way and the truth and the life," which was an answer to this question from Thomas: "Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?" I could keep going back and unraveling this conversation, and indeed I will go back and read it more myself when I finish typing this, but WOW. This is all part of the last conversation during the last supper, after Judas Iscariot had left the room and before they left for the garden. What an amazing chance to talk to Jesus, what amazing questions, and what amazing yet enigmatic answers. There is so much packed in these chapters, but I only know the memory verses from them without the context. And I am missing things so astounding as "you have been with Me since the beginning." That is amazing. I'm like Thomas always asking, "How do we know the way?" always looking for the right path, and I don't think that I'll find a road map even in Jesus's direct answer to that question, but I do know this: Jesus is the way.