A Few Goals

Summer is fast approaching, and I love summer because I suddenly have entire days to work toward the things I want to do and improve. Here are a few things I've been thinking about today:

• I want to read Time magazine regularly and work nonfiction books into my reading rotation. I want to be more informed.
• I want to research higher education options and start to figure out what I want to learn next.
• I want to learn how to cook things that are more healthy for Jason and me, and I want to start doing so more regularly.
• I want to map out a year's curriculum before the school year starts.
• I want to write more on a regular basis. Even if it isn't any good, I want to start a writing project for myself.
• I want to watch all the Academy Awards Best Pictures. (This goal was inspired by our recent trip to Hollywood.) This is a long term goal, of course, something I just want to start working on whenever I rent movies to watch. Instead of picking whatever recent release that looks best, I want to start exposing myself to more films over the decades that have been deemed the best.

That's enough to put on the list for now...

Consume Me

From The Inside Out
Hillsong United
A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord, my soul cries out

From the inside out
Lord, my soul cries out
From the inside out
Lord, my soul cries out

In You

When my heart is growing weary,
I will come to You.
And when my joy has been forsaken,
I will come to You.


My soul is longing to find Your peace.
Lord, I just need to rest...


...in You.
Every heart can find it's healing
In You.
Every life is given meaning,
Our hope is found, and love abounds 
In You.


When the weight of my sin is on me,
I will come to You.
And when my spirit has been defeated, 
I will come to You.


Though I'm covered in guilt and shame,
Your grace comes alive...

....in You.

Every heart can find it's healing

In You.

Every life is given meaning,

Our hope is found, and love abounds 

In You.

Oh, my heart rejoices
When I hear You say
Yes, my heart rejoices
When I hear You say...


"Come all you who are heavy laden,
And I will give you rest.
Come all you who are heavy laden,
And I will give you rest.

Come all you who are heavy laden,

And I will give you rest.

Come all you who are heavy laden,

And I will give you rest."

...in You.

Every heart can find it's healing

In You.

Every life is given meaning,

Our hope is found, and love abounds 

In You.

Every heart can find it's healing

In You.

Every life is given meaning,

Our hope is found, and love abounds 

In You.

Our hope is found, and love abounds 

In You.

-- "In You" by Dave Hunt

Prayer... because they're still hard for me unless I'm writing and typing is faster...

Lord, 

I want my life to be different.

I feel so different.

It's well after 1:00 on a Saturday night, and I haven't done the first bit of schoolwork this weekend. I've spent time with friends. I've spent time with family. I've read and researched. I've had fits of fervor. I've talked, hand-written, and typed thousands of words this evening since I got home at 9:30, and I just don't want to stop.

My topics have gone back and forth, from my husband to the state of education and finally to You... it isn't difficult to see what occupies my heart, huh?

Lord, I want You to be the first and foremost. I want to be hungry for Your Word. Hungry for words and Your Spirit in prayer, hungry for the call You have for me, hungry for a new life, a life lived serving You in "the least of these."

I'm starting to get tired after hours of being tense with excitement in talking, reading, learning, writing, thinking, and it is such a deep down feeling of wonderful exhaustion.

Lord, this is the me that I have missed-- caring about ideas, expressing them, reading, thinking...

God, I have buried myself. Buried myself under my own expectations and disappointments and confusion.

Trite as it is, it's true just the same-- I've been a Martha. Rushing, running, trying to do. And when I'm not doing, I'm doing things that cover up the thinking, crashing in sleep or escapism, being depressed... but, Lord, I want to be Mary. Learning from You, honoring You.

My uncle sent a text to me one morning at the beginning of school. He was praying for Your love to flow through me to my students and just wanted to let me know. How beautiful. Lord, give me faith in Your love. Give me fervor and passion and connection to You so that I am filled to let the living water flow in my classroom, in my volunteering, in my relationships with my family, in my relationships with my co-workers and my friends.

Help me love You.

Help me stay alive inside with You living in me.

Make this stay, Lord. Make this last. Make this grow. Make this Yours.

Take away my desire to attain for me. Take away my desire to do for others so that I might attain a feeling of self-worth.

Help me to love people because I love You and  You love them so I love them.

Change me. Make me new.

Not Exactly Empirical Proof... But It Resonates Just the Same

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.

Romans 1:18-23

For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
Romans 1:25

Currently Very Out of Shape... and Under Fire, I Hope

A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for thee, the hammer holds

And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for thee, the hammer holds

The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold

But my dreams are not the issue here, for thee, the hammer holds

This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds

"The Hammer Holds" by Bebo Norman

This is searing through me right now... I hope to be able to follow with my thoughts soon.

A Christmas Song to Pray All Year

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting

Welcome Holy Child
Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home
Please make Yourself at home
Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence

Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born
So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy

Perfect Son of God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

"Welcome to Our World" by Chris Rice