I had no intention of opening this with any sort of metaphor, but as I typed the title and thought about the point, I was reminded of my pencil sharpener at school. It's one of the old-fashioned wall mounted kind, but I've loved it because it has worked better, longer, and more quietly than any of the multiple electrical sharpeners I've purchased since being a teacher. Lately, though, something in it has gotten jammed or dull, and it now frequently sharpens pencils only on one side, leaving wood covering the graphite completely on one side of the point. Because of this, kids stand in lines half-a-dozen children long sharpening their pencils until they break and trying again and again and again, only to produce pencils that have sharp points but are unusable because of the side still enveloped in wood.
The whole process is frustrating, and at some point, I always have to intervene and force the pencil to sharpen or trade the students' unusable pencils for ones I have sharpened before class in an attempt to eliminate the lost time of endless pencil sharpening.
Sometimes, on mornings like this one, I feel like I'm one of the kids standing at the pencil sharpener, sharpening and sharpening and sharpening. Pencil dust is flying everywhere, and I'm turning the handle as carefully as I can, trying not to break the graphite as I sharpen, but each time I pull out my pencil, praying that it has a usable point, it is either one-sided or broken. Again and again. One sided or broken. Unusable. And I'm starting to get impatient and there are other kids waiting on me to finish, relying on my success for their chance at the pencil sharpener, but still, despite my urgency and desire for success, I keep wearing down my pencil, smaller and smaller and one sided or broken.
Today, I could be in Sunday school. I was running late this morning, but I could have made it. But I didn't leave. I decided to stay here and do this instead because I simply don't know what the point would be in going. What's the point? What's the purpose?
I want a community, true. I want to learn more about God and this Christian life that I'm trying to live, true. Both of those would be stated purposes for attending Sunday school, for attending church, and I want them. But is that what I'm getting by making sure I attend like I'm supposed to? Is that what I'm getting by reading my Bible and Sunday school lessons? Is that what I'm getting by reading more books and spending time in my blog? Am I really getting closer to anything? Is there really a point? Or is the pencil just emerging, lesson after lesson, book after book, as either one sided or broken?
First of all, great metaphor and very well said. I'm always amazed the way you put words together! Thank you for such great reflection!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I continually have the same question, "what's the point"? Part of your initial story was about your students trying to sharpen their own pencils unsuccessfully. You step in to force the pencil to sharpen for them. My mind is reeling. What and who in my life is sharpening my pencil, and how is it being sharpened? Am I just turning the handle and coming up with lead that either falls off immediately or is only sharpened on one side? How many people are standing behind me only to sharpen their pencil the same way? Unusable.
I know we have talked about this idea of community, but this just solidifies my ideas and thoughts about the role of community and molding my life with Christ as my purpose. Again, what does that look like?
Also, I love your post on Ecclesiastics. Solomon is one of my favorite people because I feel it speaks SO much to me! He is also such a contradiction in so many ways. Those passages that you wrote are so powerful. There is nothing new under the sun!