or
Sundays make my stomach hurt.
or
Sundays should be for nothing but sleep.
I have been drafting the first line of this post in my head all day. They are more terse than my usual sentence style. Straight to the point–
Sundays suck.
or maybe a little longer, typical Natalie sentence, overpacked with repetition and alliteration, would be better–
I wake up on Sunday with heavy eyelids, a heavy head, and a heavy heart, and the feeling lasts all the way through Monday morning.
I know that I am not alone in this. I don't even think it's unique to teachers. I think everyone who goes to work on Mondays feels it, though teachers do seem to talk about it more, maybe because there's so much more at-home-weekend-work needed to prepare for Monday in our job than with an average 9-to-5. It's not just Monday that's looming but also the stack of papers to grade, lessons to plan, and lunches to pack that stand in the way of even getting to Monday. One of my best friends, who is also a teacher, jokes that she wants to become Seventh-day Adventist so that her Sabbath won't be sullied by that Sunday teacher feeling anyone who teaches, anyone who works instead of rests on the weekend, knows. I have also often wished for a Saturday Sabbath, but probably my problem is that I don't really have a Sabbath at all.
It is truly fitting that the next song in my playlist, the order of which I wrestled with and settled on at the beginning of last week, is "Restless" by Audrey Assad.
The song starts at about 5:35, but I think the beginning is worth listening to, too.
I have nothing to say worth being said, no answer to the Sunday conundrum, no antidote to its sinking, in the pit of the stomach sickness or dread. And, worst of all, to steal Audrey Assad's beautiful words from the clip, I have no "spiritual bandaid for the great gaping hole in between my theology and my practice." Instead, I am still someone who believes that Christ is sufficient and that His Kingdom is first but lives like so much more is needed and gives priority to so much else. I will spend a half hour or so from now listening to music, reading Scripture, writing what's in my heart, and then I will click publish, and– wretched sinner that I am, without the faith not to worry about tomorrow and without the obedience to honor this sabbath day set aside to God– I will go fix dinner and then settle in for a night of grading papers, planning lessons, putting away laundry, and putting off cleaning the bathroom,
I won't pretend a blog post or a single prayer will change it, but I will acknowledge that the only true rest is in Christ and that the only pursuit that is worthy is the seeking of His Kingdom, and I will conclude with God's Word, with a verse or two from today's sermon and several from a quick concordance search of the word Sabbath, praying for God's Spirit to speak them in me and speak a new heart in me that begins to beat more in sync with the Father.
Lord, may Your Words at least remind me, as I defile this Sabbath as far as work is concerned, that my heart, my hope, my confidence all rest in You and You alone. You never strictly obeyed Sabbath's rules when you walked this earth, and maybe a rest of the heart is what You truly desire. I don't have that always either, Lord, but I pray for it and have it now, if even for a moment.
Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and made it holy. Exodus 20:8-11
You shall not make for yourselves idols, nor shall you set up for yourselves an image or a sacred pillar, nor shall you place a figured stone in your land to bow down to it; for I am the Lord your God. You shall keep My sabbaths and reverence My sanctuary; I am the Lord. Leviticus 26:1-2
You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out of there by a mighty hand and by an outstretched arm; therefore the Lord your God commanded you to observe the Sabbath day. Deuteronomy 5:12
If because of the sabbath, you turn your foot from doing your own pleasure on My holy day, and call the sabbath a delight, the holy day of the Lord honorable, and honor it desisting from your own ways, from seeking your own pleasure and speaking your own word, then you will take delight in the Lord, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; and I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, from the mouth of the Lord has spoken. Isaiah 58:13-14
I gave them My statutes and informed them of My ordinances, by which, if a man observes them, he will live. Also, I gave them My sabbaths to be a sign between Me and them, that they might know that I am the Lord who sanctifies them. Ezekiel 20:11-12
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6: 33-34
But I say to you that something greater than the temple is here. But if you had known what this means, 'I desire compassion and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent. For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath. Matthew 12:6-8
Jesus said to them, 'The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath. So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath." Mark 2:27-28
Therefore, let us fear if, while a promise remains of entering His rest, any one of you may seem to have come short of it. For indeed we have had good news preached to us, just as they also; but the word they heard did not profit them, because it was not united by faith in those who heard. For we who have believed enter that rest, just as He has said, 'As I swore in My wrath, they shall not enter My rest,' although His works were finished from the foundation of the world. For He has said somewhere concerning the seventh day: 'And God rested on the seventh day from all His works'; and again in this passage, 'They shall not enter My rest.' Therefore, since it remains for some to enter it, and those who formerly had good news preached to them failed to enter because of disobedience, He again fixes a certain day, 'Today,' saying through David after so long a time just as has been said before, 'Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts.' For if Joshua had given them rest, He would not have spoken of another day after that. So there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God. For one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. Therefore let us be diligent to enter that rest, so that no one will fall, through following the same example of disobedience. For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4
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