As I've continued to think about my post about Facebook yesterday and about my obsessive relationship to Facebook comments and blog posts and all writing I ever let free for public consumption, I've realized that there is a more important layer to this fixation I have on any conversation I start on Facebook or any post I put on my blog.
This fixation, this fascination with every comment on every post is the writer in me trying to tell it all correctly, trying to make sure everything written is just as it should be and to add and amend if it isn't.
When I am writing, when I am writing anything, even a Facebook status, I am exercising this voice my writing gives me. I am trying out these words I like to taste and measure and place in just the right places. More, I am stating my position, staking my claim in the dialogue, and I want whatever I say to be right, to be true, to be insightful.
Perhaps that seems arrogant. I am a bit arrogant after all. Anyone who writes and releases it for others to read has to be a little bit, right? How could you think anyone would care what you have to say if you didn't have at least enough arrogance to think, "Someone might want to read this or care what it says...."?
Anyway, what I'm really getting at here, in this post that would be better suited for a journal than a post because I don't know what I'm saying yet and am just discovering it as I'm saying it... what I'm really getting at here is that there's a part of me that thinks I have some things worth saying.
About education and how it's legislated.
About the craft, the art, the sacrifice, the beautiful torture of teaching and about making it matter for students.
About myself and who I am and why, and I think that can extend to others–
About people and why they do what they do and how some things should be done differently.
About books and songs and beauty.
About life and why and how I want to live it.
About spirituality and the Bible and the body of Christ.
Now, I'm not arrogant enough to say I have all or any of the answers about those things– just that I have some things I want to say.
And I keep thinking that maybe I'm missing opportunities I should be seizing to make my voice heard, especially when it comes to education and to Christianity– the two great fascinations of my life. I'm realizing that God, Christ, Spirit should be the one and only great fascination, so maybe I've said that wrong, but, for better or for worse, as I'm still in progress, there are no conversations that wrap me up as intensely as those about education and about this life of trying to follow Jesus and what it is and what it should be.
And I just want to talk about those things, write about those things, share those things, hash out those things, edify and be edified in those things. I want comments sections– while I fear them and fret over them so much that I find myself considering a Facebook detox– I want comments sections to be a place where truth is found together, where everyone works together with their different perspectives to find the truth that incorporates and enlightens them all. I am weird. And such an English teacher.
Anyway, I need to stop this ramble and just post it because why not?
This is just here to remind me, when I forget, as I keep ignoring this part of me, as I keep keeping writing as a way to survive my own life instead of nurturing it into something that could matter... could it matter?... this is is just here to remind me and to admit to myself and my readers, my friends... there is a part of me that thinks I should be speaking up, using my words as a way to share truth and Truth.
But maybe not.
Stay tuned.
It's lovely you are a teacher, because it seems what you really want to do is to get the meaningful conversations started. And in our world there aren't a lot of places to do that ... so we resort to Facebook and blogs! And that's not all bad? At least we're being productive, putting our thoughts to words so we're ready for the time when we might have the opportunity to say them.
ReplyDeleteThen again ... maybe we should be looking for more meaningful ways to say the things that matter right now and sitting on our blogging hands.
And finally, as my Uncle John says, I think it takes not arrogance but HOPE to share words online and hope someone might care.
Love :)